Okay. Confession.
I haven't been completely honest. Well I haven't really been honest at all. With you, dear blog, or with myself.
But here goes.
I’m lonely. I’m overwhelmed and homesick and lonely.
I have no family, no core group of friends...and this doesn't quite feel like home yet.
In dallas, I knew people. I walked down the halls between classes of Marcus High School and knew a LOT of people. I was comfortable. Cozy.
I went to Starbucks and the baristas knew me. They noticed when I got a hair cut. They knew what drink to make without me even needing to order.
I went home and hung out with my parents. They hugged me when I had a bad day. They knew when to push about what happened and when to leave me alone. They loved me.
And then I pick up and move off to Auburn, Alabama. Where I know NO ONE…not one person.
And I join a sorority. Where sure, I meet people. I learn faces, names. Some hometowns. I meet my roommate, suitemates, a few girls on my hall.
And then classes start. And I walk through campus and no one recognizes me. No one sees me in my sweatpants and t shirt and remembers that I actually can look half decent when I try…they just see the sweatpants and the t shirt.
And I’m in mostly basic courses so I'm in lecture rooms filled with about 300 random people. I meet a few people that I sit near, mostly just through complaining about the tests or the homework.
And football starts. And its great cause I'm already an Auburn fan, I know the cheers and the fight song. I go with my suitemate because we're getting to know each other and we get along. And there are thousands, literally THOUSANDS, of people all around who I don't know. And the stadium feels a little small.
Is this the best year of my life? Is this what all the hype was about?
I think everyone’s putting up a big front. Everyone looovess college. Facebook pictures show the awesome people they’ve met or partied with. But they don't really know them. They change their status to prove to all their friends back home that they're having a great time. But are they?
I bet if everyone just stopped pretending, we'd all admit to being a little lonely.
Cause let's face it, college is scary. It's new and different and weird and intense. I mean absolutely everything has changed.
And I don't think everyone's having as much fun as they're pretending too. I don't think I'm alone in still being a little scared and missing her mom and dad. I don't think I'm the only one counting down the days until thanksgiving.
I’m just saying, all this pretending is starting to get old. Cause we all know it will get better, but until then, would it kill everyone to put a little honesty out there?
Cause if I’m being honest, it’s taking a little longer for the “best four years of my life” thing to kick in then I thought it would…
But PLEASE don’t mistake my frustrated complaints as a cry for sympathy. I may be uncomfortable and lonely and homesick and overwhelmed. But I've never felt closer to God.
I've had more spiritual *moments* in Auburn, Alabama than I ever have anywhere else. I've learned more about myself and about God in the past two months than I did in all four years of high school.
And I know He was just waiting for the perfect time to reveal them to me.
And I take comfort in knowing that that time was now, in the midst of the chaos.
I have no doubt that He will provide me with the friends that I need and the comforts of home that I miss from flower mound, and I will wait patiently and joyfully because I know that He is good and His timing is perfect.
So don’t feel sorry for me. Don’t call my mom and tell her to send me a care package or call your dentist’s ex-wife’s niece who goes to Auburn and tell her to befriend poor, little me. Cause I’m good.
I’m living. Really living. And it’s the most refreshing thing in the world.
…I just figured in order to justify my frustration with everyone else who’s faking it right now, I should probably quit faking it first. So there you go…