..AnD FiNaLLy ThE SiLeNcE...
Nannying today for the last time. Im glad I got to spend time with my sister all summer but I'm really getting burnt out on this. Plus today we had to clean basically everything in my house so it really sucked. But I found my Houston and Mexico journals, which I had lost, and really enjoyed reading them. A year ago last week I was in Houston with the rest of the team making food for the homeless and playing checkers with ex-drug addicts, or something along those lines. I absolutely loved everything about that trip, and it's really weird to think that it's only been a year since then. It seems like so much has changed. But at the same time a lot hasn't, and that really sucks to think about.
I also read my Mexico journal which was almost funny. I did not love absolutely everything about that trip, but I'm still really glad that I went.
It's just weird that week-long trips can change so much about the way you picture things. I mean it's only six or seven days of work...so why doesn't six or seven days at school have the same effect? I mean I'm not going to be building a house at Marcus or making 7,000 bowls of grits, but there is still so much that needs to be done.
I'm not trying to go all Mother Theresa on you, but it just makes me so mad that, myself included, everyone forgets about stuff like that.
And I always come back from trips with plans to change things, nothing huge, but little things. But looking back, there are so many things that are the same as they were a year ago. I mean I remember sitting in the middle of a hallway in a former drug house with Nathan spilling my freaking heart out about stuff that I'm still dealing with today. That's a really shitty feeling.
I mean why can't I just decide to change things and then do something about it and then not go back on my decision? I mean why is it that I always end up screwing up my "good decisions?"
Okay this is not where I was originally headed.
My point is, I hope that a year from now I can look back and be like, sweet, so much has changed and it rocks.
** And finally the silence
Looking out, looking back across the sky
Trying to find a meaning
Knowing that I just left it all behind
Still I smell a lingering softness
Where did she go
How did she go
I wanna wanna know
I wanna know that she'll be coming here to me
Come on Without you I'll never feel the love inside of me**
posted by bAiLeY @ 4:19 PM
3 Comments:
Totally understand where you are coming from! I'm still dealing with stuff that I was dealing with ten years ago. Sometimes I think that's just what life is about. I think about Paul and how he asked God to remove the thorn in his flesh. God's answer was "My grace is sufficient". I know that is supposed to comfort me....but sometimes I just get so completely tired of dealing with the consequences of past choices. Life is hard...but think about it, if life was just peachy here, would we long so much for eternity in heaven?
Houston!!!!
oh i loved that trip with us together!!
Bailey -
What Michelle said, especially regarding Paul and the sufficiency of Christ, is what immediately came to mind. We, all of us, are always struggling. Often I wonder why, why, what is the point. Recently I've concluded, for me, that is when God is nearest. It's in the battles, the low points, the trenches when I can no longer turn to myself or hope for others, that God lifts me, embraces, comforts, consoles or makes me laugh. I'm still ready if you and your friends are. Coffee?
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