.iTs NoT a HaBiT, iTs CoOl, i FeEl aLiVe.

I’ve been kind of wishing I knew what was distancing me from God lately. It could be just that subconsciously I don’t want to be close to Him because I know how it would change my life, or the amount of homework and activities I have going on, or the fact that I don’t feel like I desperately need Him right now. It really sucks whatever it is. I hate feeling distanced from God. And I know that I do desperately need him, I just wish it didn’t take the feeling of despair so show me it. I mean I know it in my head but I don’t feel it in my heart. But I want to feel it. I want to feel like I can’t function without Him. I want to be addicted. But how? I guess, like it is with anything, you have to continuously take doses of it to get hooked. So maybe I need to spend more time in the Word. Well, okay not maybe, I DO need to spend more time in the Word. But how do I get the desire to do so? Does that come with the addiction? Or is it just something I should ask God for? Or do I just need to stop being stupid and do something about it? Either way I’m in need of some serious quiet time. Maybe PineCove will help. I just really want this to be a serious addiction. Not one I can get over. One that is going to make me absolutely crazy. One that changes my lifestyle, my actions, my thoughts, and my decisions. I’m talking full-out, hardcore addiction. Not some wimpy addiction wanna-be. Like heroine: I want to be completely thrown off without it in my system 24/7. So how do we do it? How do we just jump in? Not toe-dipping, waist-deep wading, kinda, sorta jumping in…I mean full fledged, eyes-closed, adrenaline-rush jumping in... Into the deep, dark depths of addiction. How do we do that?
I think this is what has been frustrating me lately.
But its a good frustration so I'm okay with it.
And I cant wait until this weekend. :)