Blogging stresses me out.
There is so much pressure to write about something people might want to read about.
And even MORE to write it well.
But i gotta tell you, i dont have anything interesting to write about. Ever.
And if by some strange twist of my life I do, I'm not very good at writing it in a way that actually gets the message across effectively.
So I'd really like to stop blogging.
But in some weird way it seems like the end of my blog would be the end of some phase of my life.
I dont know what phase, but it just seems so final.
I mean, this blog and I have been through a lot. I started it back in 8th grade when I spent most of my time pouring my heart out onto a computer, feeling sorry for myself, and complaining.
I've blogged about boys and breakups.
I've blogged about cheerleading and school.
Trips I've taken and mistakes I've made.
What I think about God and what I think about high school.
And it's taken me all the way to my senior year now.
But I'm over the "tell you all my problems" blogs. And I'm over the "bitch about everything and everyone" blogs. And I'm definently over the "here's my personal life and all my boy problems: please read" blogs.
So it seems I'm blogless.
I could blog about how I just cut 9 inches off of my hair and I think I like it. Or how I'm going to Padre in a few weeks. Or how senior year is going to be amazing and I cant wait for football season.
But once again. Not interesting or blogworthy. So maybe I'll stop blogging. Or maybe I wont, i'm not sure yet. But I just want you to know that I'm not ignoring the blog because I want to - I just have to. I cant handle all the pressure.

If its okay with you, I'm going to brag for like 2.5 seconds...
I'm the new senior varisty captain for my cheerleading team :] YAY!
okay I'm done.

I think I get on my own nerves. I don't like how I react to things. I don't like the choices I make. I don't like how other people see me. I'm just really annoyed with myself. lol.
That sounds ridiculous but it's true.
So how do you change who you are when you've been the way you are for almost 18 years?
And do other people ever have the opportunity to love you if you don't even love yourself?
Or is it not that you don't love yourself, but that you love yourself so much that you think about yourself too much? Does selfishness and self loathing go hand in hand?
Is God the only way to change who you are? And if so, why is it that you get in your own way of finding God?
Why do I KNOW that I need to be okay with God before I can be okay with me and yet I just... don't?
...Just Wondering.