welcome to the fall out

humbly we ask for grace and love
humbly we come to Christ for strength
humbly we bring our sins to the feet of the Lord
humbly we confess our desperation for God

broken I come to the Lord in a state that is all too familiar
broken I confess my sins I have tried to hide from the Lord, He who knows all
broken I realize just how black my hardened heart has become
broken I thank God for the brokeness

and all You ever wanted
only me, on my knees
singing holy.

I hate myself.
I hate my heart.
I hate my sins.
I hate this world.

I love my Lord.
I love His grace.
I love his unfailing love.

I dont want to screw it up this time.
I dont want to fail anymore.

I want passion and faith and feelings.
I am broken.
I am thankful.

How many half truths did I bear witness to 'till the proof was disproved in the end?

I am broken.
I am thankful.

i want my life back.
i want my free time back.
i want my friends back.
i want naps
and slippers
and movies back.
i want homemade cookies back.
i want random drives down I-35 back.
i want walks with my mom
and cards with my sister
and baths back.
i want passion back.
i want fear back.
i want feelings of any kind back.
i want tears
and faith
and socks back.
i want shopping back.
i want dinner with my family back.
i want my brother back.
i want candles
and books
and that boy back.
I WANT LIFE BACK.

seriously ever since they decided pluto was no longer a planet, everything has sucked.

this is NOT a good month to be a capricorn.

Well to fill you in on my life as of right now...
*school is taking over the world
*cheerleading is superfly and our first varsity game is this saturday!! :)
*i should have never taken ap physics or english
*im already stressing about the PSAT and SAT
*i can't buy a car with out money, i cant have a job because i have no time and no car to get me from event to work as quickly as i would need too, but i cant get money with out a job...hmmm...
*i love my seventh grade girls small group
*i feel really old
*i think our ACA competition is the week of my birthday and pine cove no agenda :(
*God is so far down on my priority list that its scary
*im pretty much emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally dead