The centurion from Luke chapter 7 didn't even know Jesus, he had only heard of him. Yet, he believed with all of his heart that Jesus could save the servant he loved, so he sent his men out to ask for Jesus' help. Then, as Jesus headed to his house, the centurion asked that he not even come in: "Lord don't trouble yourself, for I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. That is why I did not even consider myself worthy to come to you." He had faith that if Jesus would just say the word, his servant would be healed.
He had only heard of Jesus.
He never saw him raise the dead, or make blind eyes see, or feed hundreds with just a few fish.
He never even heard him teach.
But someone told him about Jesus...and his faith was so great he believed in Jesus' holiness and power and love.

I've heard of Jesus all my life. I know him on an intimate level. I've seen his transforming power both in my life and in the lives of many people I know. He has met me in the depths of my heart, has seen my deepest hurts, has witnessed my darkest sins, and has still never left my side.
But my faith is not nearly as strong as the centurion.
I doubt Christ all the freaking time.
He's never given me a reason not to trust him...but I don't.
He's never turned away from me...but I turn away from him all the time.
What the heck.

So I'm reading Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell and so far I really like it.
Yesterday, I was killing time at Starbucks before class and I read his section on "Superpastor." For anyone who hasn't read it, he's talking about how superpastor is this perfect pastor who is always available and a great friend and is basically perfect, and how trying to be that was killing him.
So, in reference to his idea...meet Superbailey:

Superbailey is 19 and goes to Auburn University. Last semester she earned a 4.0 GPA and made the dean's list. Superbailey is a member of Alpha Omicron Pi and is very involved with intramurals, philanthropy events, and socials in her sorority. She goes to church every sunday, is in two small group biblestudies, and has lots of great christian friends. She is also a YoungLife leader, a summer camp counselor at Pinecove, and next year's biblestudy leader for the freshmen pledge class of AOII. Superbailey does all of these things while being extremely organized and never forgetting anything. She is busy, but will always make time to have coffee with you. She reads challenging books and listens to great music that most people have never heard. She always has great, interesting blog topics. She also works out every day and always looks nice. But she's never stressed because she is great at being joyful in all situations. Superbailey has it all together.

That makes me want to throw up. I don't know why I've been striving to be superbailey... She doesn't really even look that good on paper. But for some reason that's what I've been after. And nothing good is coming from it.
So today we're killing superbailey.
I dont have it all together, I'm not going to make that 4.0 this semester, and for goodness' sake I refuse to keep wearing pearl earings everyday like every other girl on this campus.
I dont care. I will do my best but thats all I can offer.
I will strive to be the person God wants me to be and thats it.
He loves me as a trainwreck so I might as well embrace it.
...Just thought you should know

spring break was INCREDIBLE.
a weekend at home was very much needed. my family is just so great. but my sister is SO old. it freaks me out.
i hate that im not able to seem them more but i am thankful for last weekend.
plus i cant tell you how lucky and how thankful I am to have such a huge group of amazing friends who love the Lord.
i couldnt have asked for anything better.
and spending a week at the beach with all of them was just the most perfect spring break ever.
plus i got my nose pierced cause im a huge rebel =]
dont judge me.
unfortunately, now that spring break is over there are officially no more breaks in school before we get out for summer. which means ive got six weeks straight of homework, tests, and papers followed by finals before i can relax again.
bummer.

I'm coming home next Thursday!! =]
I'm SO excited. I feel like I haven't seen my family in years.
Then that following Monday I'll be headed to Destin with 17 of my closest friends for Spring Break!
...I'm living the good life.
Just gotta get through two papers, a bio test, and my lab practical first :/

friday it stormed ALL day...even during my formal (which was bad news for my hair.)
saturday morning we had tornados touch down in auburn.
saturday during the day was beautiful, probably in the 70's...i was wearing shorts.
and today i wake up to TONS of SNOW! and its supposed to snow all day!
...its almost like Texas weather.
i LOVE it.