-momentary lapse in judgment-

Well as much as im sick of this template...its better than anything else. Although I must admit that this is reason number 3 that xanga is surpasing the world of blogging in my mind, (though i plan on staying true to my blog life for now.) Reasons one and two are of course the option of having music on my site and much easier access to putting a picture on there. Oh and xanga makes adding a link to other xangas much easier than this whole "copy and paste the URL site into my template and republish my blog at least twice to make sure it works" thing. So I guess the template/background options have fallen to number 4. The blogworld really needs to step it up though.

...dRiViNg aRoUnD iN mY AuToMoBiLe...

So i cant decide if I like this blue or not...what do you think? you BETTER answer me.

...MaYbE tHiS TiMe i CaN FoLLow tHrOuGh...

Beware of a sappy/sickeningly-sentimental blog...I'm listening to my "inspirational" CD.

I'm a driving machine. Let me tell yah...i rock. Yesterday, approximately 20 minutes after getting my permit, I drove from my house to Wal Mart and back again. And no one died. :)

The doctor said that I tore the cartilage between my knee cap and whatever the thigh bone is called. So no torn ligaments, which is good, but he said surgery looks like an option for the future. I'm not exactly sure what the "future" is in terms of knee operations but I'm good for now so thats all I really care about. Basically I just have to wear this amazing knee brace and not jump/tumble/run for a while. Get ready for super fat bailey! I'm pumped...ish.

26 days until school is out. Including weekends. Do you realize how happy this makes me? No, I dont think you do. Although, this summer probably wont compare to last years, and I can't decided if that's a good thing or not.

I've been noticing how crappy things are lately. But not in that - my life sucks so feel sorry for me - sort of way. It's more of a - how can people live when this is all they think they have - sort of way. I mean really, if I thought the best it was ever gonna get was how it is in this place...suicide would not be a distant concept.

I'm also noticing they way my mind has been working with out me a lot lately. It's not letting me think the things I want to. It's thinking all the things I'm trying to avoid, and thats always a sign of a breakdown thats on the way...but I think this time I'm gonna be okay with it. I got my game face on. And if the last 6 months have brought me this far because of a major breakdown, then I'm ready for another one.

**TidLe WaVe, TaKe Me DoWn...i'M ReAdY tHiS TiMe...JuSt wAiT TiLL i TaKe tHiS LiFe VeSt oFF**

...EvErYtHiNg i SeE...

Today I went to the Dr. for a physical/knee exam. Remember that small scratch on my knee from my second game of lava pit? Yes, well apparently that "tiny scratch" was the smallest of my knee issues. Turns out when I fell, I re-injured my right knee. (I sprained it pretty badly at the end of my 8th grade basketball season.) So now - right as we are preparing for camp competition - im out for who knows how long. Anyway, went to the doctor who really didnt tell me anything, except what I already knew, which is that I most likely have a torn MCL or something like that. She then refered me to an orthopedic specialist at the Lewisville hospital (my favorite - note sarcasm here), with whom I have an appointment at 11 o clock tomorow morning. SO I don't have to go to school tomorow, but instead I get to sleep in, have breakfast with my mom, go to the appointment, then go get my permit...i know - i STILL dont have the freakin thing but I've just been too lazy to get it - and then go to school. But by that time the only classes I will have left will be cheerleading and maybe spanish, depending on the time.
So as much as this sucks, there are perks to being injured, and I'm most definently going to enjoy them.

+ gOiN OuTa My MiNd ThEsE DaYs +

Friday night was our "annual (which is dumb to say because this is only the second year) cheer party" where our whole squad stays the night at Heather's. It is supposed to be time where we "bond" and form friendships and stuff like that...but really everyone ends up "bonding" with their cell phones or food. I dont really know why but I am truly not enjoying cheerleading this year. I mean, grantit, its been like a month since tryouts but it's already dull and boring. Last year I suppose it was better because everything was new and exciting, but now that I know how everything works and it's not anything different, I really don't like it. I don't understand how people could spend their entire high school career centered around Marcus Cheerleading. Talk about a waste of four years.
I'll probably feel less strongly about my hatred for cheerleading as the year progresses and we start cheering at football games again...but for now I want to puke all over Marcus cheerleading and everything that it represents.

On a different note, last night was Prom. And even though our plans kept changing and I ended up not getting to stay the night with the youth group, it was still a lot of fun. After stressing for hours about stupid things like hair and shoes, I finished getting ready at about 7 o clock. Then we all went over to Creed's house for pictures and dinner in his trillion kazillion dollar mansion. The limo picked us up at 8 ish I think and we drove to the hotel. Amanda and I definently stood up out of the sun roof of the limo while we were driving and it was SO freaking amazing. The only other time I'd been in a limo was for my 10th birthday party but it was a cheap, white, nasty limo and didn't even come close to comparing with our awesome stretch limo with lights that changed colors and wine glasses and everything. It was really nice. And prom was amazing too. I really didnt know anyone aside from the youth group that I really didn't hang out with much - which kind of sucked - and the people that I went with. But I have to admit, there was rarely a dull moment. And it was kind of cool to get to go to prom with my brother and Chris who are graduating in less than 2 months. We left at 12 in the limo and went back to Creeds to go hot tubbing. I made it home by four, stayed up talking to my mom for an hour, and woke up at 9 for church. So I'm running on four hours of sleep...and by 'running' I of course mean fighting to hold my eyes open and not pass out in the middle of my floor from the serious state of fatigue that I'm in.
All in all it was a really awesome night. I spent it with people that I love and had a really amazing time. If I knew how to post pictures on here I would, but instead I'm probably going to add a page to my piczo site (link located over here-ish >>>) so you can check that out if you want.
For now I'm off to Heathers concert, and then going to SLEEP.

...iM mR. bRiGhTsiDe...

If you throw a frog into a pot of boiling water - it will jump out and save itself. But if you put it in luke-warm water and slowly increase the temperature, it will stay and boil alive.

Weird.

.: gOt StAiNs oN mY T-sHiRt :.

*Not much to blog about*

*TAKS tomorow morning. :(

*JV cheer party/Julies bday party's on Friday. :#

*Prom's on Saturday. :)

*But what I dont understand is how we've gotten to sleep in for the past two mornings an extra 2 hours and I am still absolutely and thoroughly exhausted.

*A family that lives on my street just lost their 20-year old son while he was in the Army in Iraq.

*Nathan William Lee is having a flipping baby!

*Elizabeth Lee Spring is beautiful.

*I'm completely burnt out on Cheerleading.

*Ready for the school year to be over - 5 weeks!

*My dad's home from D.C.

*I haven't seen my brother since Monday.

*Things are really chaotic - in general.

*I'm really tired of everything.

*This blog sucks.

...OpEn Up My EaGeR EyEs...

Weekend Update:

Friday - took the day off from school for a RoAd tRiP down to Austin with some friends. We left at 6 freaking o'clock in our 15-passenger van (which we decorated with shoe polish to personalize it) and headed down to Round Rock. The sun came up at the exact moment we entered downtown Dallas and I continued to make Liz look at it at least a million times until I felt she really appreciated it. It was like the best freakin day ever AND our soccer girls won their game in the semi's which led them to win STATE on top of it all! So it was really cool...aside from the four demerits I got for missing school. Ugh.
So then Liz and I went over to Lindz's house for the night. We hung out with Emily, Eathan, Lindz's cousin and Paula which was really crazy and I didnt get to see Chris like we had planned on so that kinda sucks. But it was ... needless to say... an interesting night.

Saturday - woke up at 8:45 to Liz yelling at me to wake up because we were so freaking late for Paint Day which started at 9. But I dont think we're getting demerits because we were late on a count of Lindsey puking all over the place...yum. So then we painted signs with the rest of the cheerleaders from 9:15 - 2:30 ish which was - let me tell yah - amazing. I sure do love paint days. Then I came home and randomly fell asleep right as I walked in the door and stayed that way until 8:40 when Heather called. Weird? I think so. But I really needed the sleep so it was okay. Then she came and picked me up and we went back to her house for steak and salad only to come BACK to my house for the night. But after our lovely water fight and my bed being really uncomfortable - heath couldnt sleep and ended up going back to her house at 2:30 in the morning. Weird.

Sunday - Went to the Juarez meeting at 10:45. Im really excited about the trip but extremely nervous about raising the funds. I dont know how its going to happen but whatever. Then came home for a little bit before leaving for Marcus again to help fold the signs we had painted on the above noted paint day. That was a party - Then Liz and I went to Sonic and came home just in time for me to make it to the 5 o clock church service which I hadnt been to in a while. So that was pretty cool - then went to Sunday school - talked to my bff Nathan William Lee - and then went up to the baptism service. Left for Kids Kastle to play my second game of Lava Pit. I'm not gonna lie to you - I was scared. But I came out with only a bruise and scratch on my knee from tripping over a step and a few scrapes on my wrist. Other than that I am not hurt, I have no broken bones, and I am in one whole piece. Phew. Then Chris and I left and picked up Jason and Greg because they forgot their keys, took them to their houses, then came back to mine for a little bit. I hadn't seen him in exactly one week so it was cool to freaking talk to him again. But I did get yelled at for being late so that sucks.

Anyway, no cheer after school this week because of Taks which means 11:30 school time this WHOLE week...( except for Monday and Thursday but whatever.) And you know what? If you're a senior I realize that you only have to come in at regular time on monday so I will save you the trouble of commenting and rubbing it in my face...

Peace out playas!

.: WeLcOmE tO tHe FaLLoUt :.

I swore I wouldnt do it...I promised myself I wouldn't jump on this bandwagon...not this time. But alas...I have found myself here - posting this blog - fearful that it's magic and enjoyment may have run out. But here we go anyway...

When you read this...you must - and i do mean must - make a comment of a memory you have about/with me. It doesn't have to be special or a monumental moment...just do it.

(sigh) im a cop-out... but hey - if I endured the pain of subjecting myself to this non-original little game...you might as well comment. :)

.: LiKe a MeRrY-gO-RoUnD :.

On a happier note...days have just been so much easier lately. School is going alright...and coming from the most anti-school person in the world, that is pretty big. Making straight A's again - first time since like 7th grade...but its because I'm in the classes that I usually do really well in: English, biology, and spanish.
Cheerleading is taking over my life though. Practice three times a week plus tumbling on Wednesdays = no free time for me. But the good part is that we are working our butts off for camp/competetion so I'm definently getting back into shape.
Found a nearly empty journal under my bed yesterday...that might not sound exciting but I am definently pumped because I've almost run out of room in my other one.
Finished the research paper I've been working on, finished my speech analysis for english, feeling even more mentally-insane as the days go on...but I'm becoming more okay with it bit-by-bit.
Still haven't finished Great Expectations though...ugh. But I'm working on the book Bird by Bird at the same time (thanks to Brent) so it kind of balances it out.
...I guess there is really no point to this except that I am attempting to refrain from having such downer blogs all the time. So that's a look at the happier side of Bailey's life that I usually never discuss.

.: LoRd UnDuE mE :.

I just dont understand what I'm being taught right now...its like its RIGHT THERE! right smack in front of my face - this big huge sign saying "read me" at the top - theres tons of writing underneath, the answer to questions that have been sinking into my brain for the past year, and its all in chinease! What makes it worse is that there's a million other people who DO understand it and who CAN read it because they speak chinease. And then theres me...little miss "english"... who doesnt get it. And all the chinease are staring, pointing, and laughing. And regardless of the countless "Chinease for dummies" books I pick up and read...I got nuthin. NOT A DAMN WORD!
...excuse my french...(ha)

+ thats something...that just dont happen twice +

Today has just been amazing. I dont know why I dont wake up earlier every saturday. I was up at 9 today to meet the gorgeous weather outside. Then went with my mom to starbucks before my sisters double header up at the briarhill fields. My dad and Bridget were already headed up there and the game had just started when we pulled up. Spent most of the time just talking with my parents and cheering for my little sister. 5 minutes didnt go by without us cracking up. Between making fun of her overzealous coach and making up cheers with my dad, there was never a dull moment. It was especially nice because I had just been thinking about how much I barely even know my dad anymore and how we never do anything just us two like we used to. But thats what I love about him, we can be doing something as simple as watching 8 year olds attempt to play softball and still have such a good time. It made me really miss my softball days though. Between Brandon playing baseball and me on a traveling softball team, my family used to live at the ball parks...and we loved it. I miss being younger, I miss being so excited because my mom gave me 50 cents to buy to whole pieces of double bubble, I miss doing chants in the dug-out, the team mom's snacks between games, running the bases after a win, and crying after striking out. I miss ball park hot dogs, pitching a strike when the count is 3-2, sleeping in the car on the way home, and my dad being so proud of me no matter what. It makes me wish I didnt quit softball. Regardless, It's been a really nice day. We drove home from the game in the sebring, top down, country music playing really loud. And the day is barely over...tonight is fab four night at rich-o's house all by ourselves!
Yay for good moods and good days!

.: And We Both Laugh...Cause We Know It Isn't True :.

It’s been a very humbling week. I feel like God is trying to teach me something that I'm simply not understanding and not seeing. He has carried me through so much this year and saved me from even more, which makes it all the more frustrating that I can’t grasp the lesson that He’s throwing at me. I know one day I will be able to see past all this chaos and see what God’s writing out for my life bright and clear, but until then I’m going to keep being humbled, keep being carried, and keep living in chaos…and that sorta sucks.

.: ThAtS wHaT ThEy iNvEnTeD dAnCiNg FoR :.

We're not really over...i lied about that.

Lets see...weekend update...
Friday - went to school, decorated the fence with styrofoam cups in cheerleading, went to starbucks with erin until about 6, came back to my house with erin and bethany, ordered pizza, watched Groundhog Day, woke up really early because those freaks wake up before 12 on saturday mornings!!
Saturday - spent 2 hours writing that stinkin article for the church newsletter (which I'm really glad is done but its gonna be REALLY terrible) went to trade dad's car in for the newer one(after his transmission went out completely, lost his air conditioning, and had three major leaks in his engine) i love the new car but my parents are totally freaking out because we dont have any money for it, yay. Got my hair cut (not sure what I think about it yet) Went to Keilas house with Shannon, then keila got her fingers slammed in the door thanks to me, felt really bad about that all night. Talked to Chris for a while and finally fell asleep.
Sunday - write an entire rough draft for my term paper which I dont even have the outline for, write a short story for biology, do three pages of spanish homework, and go to church if that all gets done. Then try to pick a dress out of the three choices that I have and love. hm

So lots to do today...probably won't get it all done because I really have no desire to...but oh well.

Baseball season starts today...Yankees vs. RedSocks. Braves start on tuesday for their 14th straight division title. Dad's already freaking out.

**i just want to dance with you...**

.: a LiTtLe ToO MuCh :.

So yall are the worst commenters ever...

We're SO over!